Loony Policies

Education

1. More funds to be made available for Mathematics, as 5 out of 4 students have trouble with fractions.
2. We should teach proper sports in P.E. e.g. Fishing, Fencing & Darts.
3. Foreign Languages should be banned in schools as most kids (and adults) have enough trouble with English is it as.

UK & Global Recession

1. Print a few trillion pound notes to cover our debt.
2. Introduction of the new 99p coin & the new £4.99 note as people are fed up with fiddling small change.

Europe

1. It is proposed that The European Union end its discrimination by creating a "Court of Human Lefts" because their present policy is very one sided.

Health

1. All newly trained Dentists will be require to have three teeth removed, 2 fillings and root canal work done without anesthetic. Then they will know the agony they inflict on the rest of us.

1. Everyone will be encouraged to smile at least once a day. Passing the smile on will cheer up the person smiled at. And as we all know 'A happy person is a healthy person'.

Homeland Security, Defence & Tourism

As they say around these parts “'Ar 'Arse Is 'Ar Casle”

1. Grants to be made available for anyone to 'fortify' their homes with moats, drawbridges, crennelations & arrow slits - this will lead to greater peace of mind for people in these days of terrorist threats & have the added bonus of increased international tourism as everyone knows the Americans & Japanese love visiting historical things that appear to be older than 200 years, also arrow slits may make it easier for posties to deliver unusually shaped packages.

Terrorism

1. It is proposed that the government should set up a terrorist training camp and that all prospective suicide bombers should have to blow themselves up as there final licensing test. Points will be added for mass destruction of the test range, but deducted for survival. This would undoubtedly reduce acts of terror.

Politicians, The Truth & Scandals

1. Politicians to be fitted with electric shock collars, and shocked every time they lie, stall, do not answer questions or attempt to fiddle their expenses.

Environment

1. Channel all hot air coming from Parliament to a purpose built Wind farm In Hyde Park, so that everyone will have free heating in the winter, and free electric fans in the summer.

1. Underpants to be fitted with catalytic converters to reduce the amount of harmful emissions into the atmosphere.

National Insurance

1. National Insurance will have a no claims discount system - If you have not used any services this year, your next years National Insurance Contribution will be reduced.

Special Election Lottery

1. It is proposed that people should have a free go on the national lottery when they go and vote.

Loony Party Financial advice

Buy Low, Sell High !!!